You Don’t Need to Respond

Right now, or maybe ever.

This is one of the most important “adulting” things I’ve learned.

I get angry about things, can be oversensitive, and love being right. Sometimes, regardless of the topic or whether it actually even matters, I’ll machine gun someone with words until they agree with me, for no reason other than receiving confirmation that I know everything.

This is not helpful for relationships, and most of the time giving the fastest, “best” response isn’t necessary at all.

For the past couple of years I’ve been practicing letting emails sit for a little bit before I respond. If it’s really important, I may begin a draft and then look at it after I’ve had some rest. If it’s a message, I can respond with, “let me think about this and get back.” I don’t answer phone calls, anyway, problem solved there. To my knowledge, no situation has worsened by giving it a moment to form a level-headed reply.

I am far from being 100% with this, though I’m pretty good at taking inventory where I have strayed from the course. Sometimes it means following back up with that person and straightening things out, other times it’s just a good lesson.

One thing I’ve noticed is: While I am much more conscious to pause when something is rubbing me the wrong way or there is a decision of tangible consequence, it’s those small, daily interactions that I still tend to snap back most often. Similar to how it can be easier to be short with loved ones than strangers because they’re more familiar. Those closest to us are our best mirrors.

Another interesting revelation: Many issues that seem like big deals at the time, when I let them simmer, work themselves out. Or, after setting them aside, were non-issues after all.