How could a mistreated child be at fault?

Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
pg. 62, BB

Living a life of recovery can be hard work, but for some serenity is something that must be actively pursued.

One difficult part is, when clearing away the wreckage of your past, seeking where you were wrong in every situation. This is not victim blaming — the goal is to heal, grow, and be able to help others — it’s important to work with someone else with experience, and therapists and other mental health professionals if needed.

A friend was sharing this morning about difficulty making amends with his stepmother, who when he was a child abused and neglected him. He was advised, for his own healing, to find where he could have been at fault in this relationship. I’ve personally struggled with a similar situation, and had a thought that seemed decent enough to write down:

Let’s say that childhood me, at 9 years old, was an absolute angel. Not every authority figure’s absolute nightmare (which I was), but the perfect representation of a stepson that a stepmom could have ever meet. Exactly what she would have wished into existence if she had the power. Would she have retaliated against me? Probably not. But, she too, is not perfect.

This may come as common sense to normal people, or possibly not make any sense at all, but it was a light bulb of understanding and awareness for me.

This post is very personal, and is not prescriptive or descriptive for anyone else’s situations. Child abuse is absolutely repugnant, and only the worst people harm children. If you suffer from childhood trauma, please seek out qualified help or continue if you already are, and my prayers are with you.