Constructive Chaos

When I finally got sober and it stuck, the first three months or so were predominately punctuated by head on encounters with emotions and practical life stuff I’d previously be stuffing away. Then, the subsequent epiphanies from working through those experiences. A lot of stuff that normal people just do, like making their bed every morning and not trying to control the entire world, were revelatory wonders.

Then the magic subsided, my brain chemistry started to find a nice balance for the first time in years, and I got a bit squirrelly. I realized that it wasn’t just the effect of weed or alcohol, but the chaos around it, the loss of control while under the influence, and even the building up and tearing down of things in my life, that I was addicted to.

Fortunately, I started a business earlier that year. Not a whole lot of progress was made while I was dragging along my bottom, but once I was on solid ground it really started cranking. As I became antsy due to lack of action, it came my way just in time. Being responsible for keeping service tops, with dozens of different restaurants and a bunch of bike couriers working together, is a crazy task, and it brought with it excitement, drama, and great stories on the regular, not to mention great exercise. It was exactly what was needed to alleviate my withdrawals from madness.

The best part: I learned firsthand that I could put out fires that were not caused by me, and instead of just remedying my own destruction, build something (and not subsequently lose it…)